Cheating Drunks
by StephanoGoldenEdition
Summary: AU in the extreme; set in modern times. Beatrice, Benedick, Claudio and Hero are made to go to a nightclub ny Claudio, who gets up to no good...Drunk/Cheating!Claudio. Drunk!Beatrice. Drunk!Benedick. Hysterical!Hero. If you want a serious story, this is definitely not it. Benedick/Beatrice near the end.


**I AM TYPING THIS FROM MY NEW LAPTOP. I **_**finally **_**got one, as my other one...-shudders- by **_**God **_**it was bad! So, this is my first fanfiction from the NEW LAPTOP.**

**I'm gonna do another fanfic for Much Ado About Nothing, as I find it **_**hilarious **_**to OOC the characters from there...heh. Set in modern times, so everything is...modernised. Obviously AU. Also, I don't own Much Ado About Nothing. If I did...-glares at Claudio and grabs knife-...things would take place that are not suitable for young children to view.**

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(Beatrice's POV)

I sighed, draining my glass of vodka and slamming the glass on the bar table. Beside me, Benedick, looking less than amused, fiddled with his glass of...hell, I had no idea what it was, but it looked cloudy and had something floating in it, so I didn't want to know.

"Remind me," he turned his head in my direction, "why the _hell _did we let Claudio convince us to come here?"

I shrugged and turned to the woman next to me, who sat on her barstool with her hands in her lap and her eyes focused on the ground in front of her, obviously uncomfortable. I shouted at the bartender for another glass of vodka, and then patted the woman on the shoulder.

"Claudio _knows _she hates places like this," Benedick said, coming over to her, "Apparently, we're supposed to be having a 'great night out'!"

Judging by the look on the woman's face, this was _not_ what she thought of as a 'great night out'.

"I hate it here, Beatrice," she looked up at me with tear-filled eyes, "I...I wanna go back home." She bunched her simple white dress in her hands, "It's horrid here!"

"Come on, Hero," I looked to Benedick for support, but he was busy scanning the dance floor.

"It's not that bad, you know," I tried again, "I mean, it's just a place of flashing lights and alcohol! Nothing horrendous!"

"But, I _hate_...everything about nightclubs!" Hero wailed, "They're icky and gross and too loud and dark and-!"

"Calm down, dear," I cut her off, glaring at Benedick, who was _still _scanning the dance floor. "And what are _you _looking at?" I snapped at him.

"Just...uhm..." he narrowed his eyes, "..._There_!" He took off to the dance floor, leaving me with Hero, who looked on the verge of tears. I shook my head and took my glass of vodka, draining it again and placing it on the bar table again.

"As soon as Benedick comes back, we'll go," I told her, and she looked up at me, hope in her eyes.

"Really?" she breathed, the hope obvious and shameless.

"Really." I smiled at her, albeit somewhat forcedly. _When that asshole returns with Benedick I'll f-_

"Hel-_lo_, mates!" I winced at the voice; just who I needed to ruin the already-ruined night...

"Havin' fun!?" Claudio, in his designer jacket and matching pants, ran up to us, a drunken grin on his face, "'cause _I_ sure am!" Benedick, a pained expression on his face, lurked behind him.

"Look, asshole-!" I was cut off by Claudio, who let out lecherous whistle at a passing barmaid, who winked in return.

"Now _there's_ something nice, eh, Benedick, mate!?" he elbowed my fiancé, who merely grimaced, moved back to his place next to me and downed his suspicious-looking drink. I didn't blame him; I could not foresee successfully getting out of this place sober. He called for another drink, and looked at me.

"Want another one?" he offered, and I nodded curtly, more focused on the hysterical Hero next to me. She had her face buried in her hands, and was crying loudly. I soon saw why.

"_What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, asshole!?_" I roughly pulled Claudio away from the scantily-clothed woman he'd been making out with, "_You have a wife!_" He giggled. pulled a bottle of God-knows-what out from his jacket and drank heavily from it.

"Just 'avin' some _fun_, Beeeatriccccce..." he spoke in a slurred voice, hiccupping. I snorted in disgust and snatched the (thankfully large) glass of alcohol of some kind and drank from it. Behind me, I felt Benedick rest his chin on my shoulder.

"Bloody hell," he muttered, glaring with disgust at Claudio again found another sluttish-looking woman and made out with her; by now Hero had turned in her stool and was crying onto the bar table. I finished the drink, feeling slightly dizzy now, and marched up to Claudio.

"You little _bitch_," I spat at him after chasing the other woman off, "What about your _wife_? The one you swore you loved!?"

"Negh..." he shook his head, "Wha' 'bout 'er?"

"_You're making out with other girls in front of her!_"

"So?"

"Isn't there _something _wrong with that, bitch!?"

"...aww, Beeeatriccccce, 's only bit 'o fun..."

Disgusted, I stormed back to where my cousin and fiancé were; Benedick looked drunk, and a glass of I-really-don't-want-to-know-what was in his hand. I really don't blame him. I took the glass from him and drank from it.

"God, this stuff is _strong_," I leaned onto the bar for support, "What the hell is it?" Benedick shrugged and shook his head.

"Dunno, but look at Claudio now..." he held his head in his hands. I did so and growled: Claudio was clearly feeling up yet _another _sluttish-looking girl, surrounded by a group of men and women cheering them on.

"_What?!_" I stormed over there, yanked Claudio over to our part of the bar and sat him on a stool.

"Mmm," Benedick had managed to get up and stagger to Claudio's side, swaying slightly, "The hell, man? Cheatin' in front of y' wife is wrong..."

"Meh, y' know," he shrugged dismissively, "She'll forgive...meeee...sh' always doessss..." he grabbed the bottle and drank heavily from it, then collapsed onto the ground.

Well, every cloud has its silver lining.

"You...!" Hero grabbed her back and ran out from the bar, sobbing hysterically. I made to follow her, but I tripped over Claudio's inert form. Benedick, by some miracle, managed to catch me as I fell.

"What're we gon' do 'bout that asshole on the ground?" I muttered, clinging onto Benedick to stop me from falling to the ground, "I mean...we can't jus' _leave _him here, sadly..."

"We could just catch a taxi or somethin'" he replied, his voice thick, "An' I thought _I _was an asshole, not Claudio..."

"Hrn...you're a _prick_," I verified, earning a faint smile, "_Claudio_'s th' asshole...yes, you're my _prick _or, to be more accurate, my _bastard_."

" 'M not a bastard," he leaned against the bar, bring me with him, "I know who m' parents are..."

"No, I mean bastard as 'n insultin' term, idiot," I rolled my eyes, "_God_, you're so _dense_."

"Oh, then, you're a bitch..." he nodded, "tha's right...y' a bitch and me a bastard..." he laughed faintly, leaning forward slightly and brushing his lips against mine, "Y' my bitch..."

"Y' my bastard-prick then..." I murmured, actually kissing him properly, "That's right..."

He broke the kiss and handed me a drink of I-didn't-even-care-what, which I drank from eagerly.

"Thought you disliked drunkards, 'Trissy," he muttered amusedly, downing a glass of the same drink, "Thought y' hated them..."

"Never call me " 'Trissy" again," I warned, relaxing against him, "And, 's different when y' drinking for a reason..."

"What reason are y' drinkin' for, then?"

"To get out the...uh...picture...of that asshole cheatin' on my cousin..."

He patted my head and lifted me up, grunting slightly as he staggered, and somehow managed to walk out of the nightclub. He leaned against the brick wall of the club, and I mumbled,

"Wassa matter? Can't move any further?"

"Nah...just wonderin' if it's worth callin' Hero t' pick us up..."

He did, in the end, and by 1 o'clock, we were curled up on Hero's fold-out couch-bed in her and Claudio's living room.

I punched Benedick on the shoulder and he groggily opened his eyes. God, he's a light sleeper.

"Wassa matter?" he grumbled, "Imma tryin' to sleep..."

"Well, I can't sleep," I growled, rolling on top of him, "So's you'd better keep awake, or I'll getcha...I'll damn well getcha..." I leaned down and kissed him fiercely, and punched him when all he did was respond groggily.

"You c'n do better than that, idiot," I muttered, and he replied with actually kissing me properly, with tongue and everything. With me busily distracting him with kissing back harder, I played with the hem of his shirt, trying to get it off of him, but he broke the kiss and shook his head.

"Hero could hear," was all he said. It amazed me that he could be rational when drunk; must be a special gene from his family.

"Bloody damn, Benedick," I flicked his shoulder, "Do you honestly care that much?"

He nodded, much to my dismay.

Sighing, I let go of his shirt and crawled off of him and instead settled with being as close as physically possible to him, much to his irritation.

"God, woman," he muttered, "Gimme some space..."

"Nah," I giggled, "If you won't do what I want, I getta piss the shit outta you!"

He sighed loudly, and closed his eyes; he soon started snoring, and I knew he'd kill me if I woke him up. Hell, he'd do worse than kill me...

I smirked, a small giggle escaping me,

"Oi! Benedick! Wake the hell up!"

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**I...I don't even know. It's supposed to be retarded and OOC...and I think I may be achieved it? Possibly? Lol, that was fun, though :p No flames, please! And, yes, it's supposed to be...just so weird and blergh :p**

**~Stephano**


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